Author: lbryce

Time Flies

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I am amazed and disheartened at how much time I have let lapse since my last post. I think about writing all the time, but then like most of my creative pursuits, I put it off and let other things take priority or just avoid it all together. I have a paint by number that I started over the Christmas break that still sits unfinished. I have yet to start the Blog for my school website. It’s been 4 years. I won’t even mention how long it has taken me to hang up decorate wall hangings on my walls.

What is it that is holding me back? If these were physical pursuits like running, biking, hiking, yoga, paddle boarding or working out. I would not hesitate at all to do any of those things.

I started this blog with so much hope. It was something I had wanted to do for a long time. I like to think, reflect, and write. I love to learn and to share ideas. I get jazzed when experiencing an “ah ha” moment that I just want to share it. So, what is the roadblock?

As I continue to live and learn and lead, I think stamina and fatigue have played a huge part in my “blog bog”. I have been bogged down with life, trying to navigate a lot of recent change around me and within me which in and of itself has been exhausting.

I think I got tired, and when one is fatigued (emotionally, physically, compassionately) for whatever reason, it affects our outlook, motivation, self-worth, and confidence. Fear can then take hold.

I recognize I have an problem with perfectionism which undoubtedly has played a role in my hesitancy to write and create. I think I fear things not being perfect, so it is easier to just not do.

Moving forward, my new hope is to find my voice for this blog and meet my original goal of it. I am ready to face my fears, break away from the perfectionism and just go for it.

So, I am back, and hopefully ready, in this space, to continue to live, learn and lead.

Learning During a Pandemic

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When a global pandemic hits, a great deal of learning takes place on so many levels. Since the outbreak of this COVID-19 pandemic, this is what I have learned about myself. First, I need personal and social connections. I thrive on it. They are my self-care drugs of choice. Self-distancing, physical distancing, staying home when one lives alone is hard. Being able to go to the gym, the yoga studio, travel domestically or abroad, meeting up with friends or family, going to work with colleagues have all become luxuries right now. These are things I deeply appreciate now that can no longer be done. These are things, moving forward, I will no longer take for granted.

Something else I have learned about myself during this pandemic is that technology really can be your friend. My general avoidance of it prior to this health crisis, opting for more organic and natural ways of being, has ironically been something I have embraced. Thank you Zoom, Messenger, Facebook, Google, Youtube, Whatsap! Thank you for keeping me connected so the loneliness doesn’t suffocate me.

Perhaps the biggest learning is that I know I am not alone in my experience of this. This new normal can and will be ok. So many people are finding ways to connect and reach out like never before, and in positive, supportive and compassionate ways like never before. This pandemic is creating new communities of people who are putting each other first. I hope this will be the legacy of COVID-19.

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Being Strong is Tiring

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It is almost 3 years to the hour that my life took a unexpected turn, very unexpected. I was hit so hard with hurt that I honestly did not think I would survive it. The emotional and physiological tolls were at times unbearable.

This journey has and continues to teach me a lot. I have learned the importance of surrendering to the feelings, allowing myself to feel, to grieve and not suppress what I am feeling. The suppressing just results in other set backs. I have learned that it’s better to cry than not. It’s okay to be angry, to be hurt, to be sad. It’s okay. I have learned to give myself permission to feel the feelings knowing that there is an obligation to then keep moving forward.

I have learned that I can’t do this alone. Friends, family, a really good counselor are very important and necessary factors to healing from personal trauma. I am very fortunate to have all three in my life.

Self-care is not selfish. This has taken awhile to really sink in. I have learned that in order to really have true empathy and compassion for others, I need to be more empathetic and compassionate toward myself. I can see now not doing so contributed to the situation I ended up in. Something I heard at a professional learning session last year has stuck with me. I can’t remember who said it, but they were emphatic that we have a moral obligation to take care of ourselves in order to be any good to anyone else. A big lesson I have learned is that I have spent years doing the opposite. It’s hard not to as an educator, educational leader and as someone who was reared to be caring and compassionate toward others. I am now giving myself permission for as much self-care as I need.

One of the biggest lessons learned has been recent. I have spent the last three years determined to get through my trauma while still facing everyday life and its challenges. Being strong really is exhausting.

As I move into a new year, I will be mindful of the fatigue, perhaps adjust the self-care plan to find more balance. Maybe I don’t have to work so hard at being strong anymore. Maybe I am healing after all. That would be awesome.

Be With

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The title I will admit I borrowed from a tiny, but powerful book my sister gave me this past Christmas. Be With by Mike Barnes talks about a son’s journey as his mother’s caregiver who just happens to face the challenges of Alzheimer’s.

Last year our mother had a medical scare and was hospitalized for 3 months. At one point, she went into heart failure. She rebounded, thankfully. Since then, her recovery and care have been a priority for her family, particularly her six adult children. It hasn’t been easy, balancing work, families as well as the daily challenges life can throw at a person. Care giving can feel, as Barnes eludes to, like “another thing to do.”

What the book taught me was the importance of just “being with” others – being present, connected, free of distracting thoughts, distracting things. We can get caught up in the tasks that need to get done, be done and easily forget the actual person we are with.

I think this applies to life in general. It is so easy to get caught up in meeting the many demands of daily life and the many societal distractions that we miss, or perhaps dismiss, the many opportunities for deep, personal connections with others.

In education, it is well known that relationships are key for all stakeholders: students, parents, staff, colleagues. The strongest relationships are a result of deep connection and feelings of attachment.

As an educational leader, it is my job to foster these relationships first and foremost. I truly believe the learning at all levels in education, with all stakeholders does not occur without meaningful relationships.

There is a line in the book, “I learned to be with the hard way, from the hardest teacher, not being with.”

I am striving to really be with my mom when we are together -be present, hear her voice, appreciate what she brings to our relationship, value the precious time we have together. Our family is so fortunate she rebounded from her health scare. She’s 82. Every minute of every day is precious.

At work and in life I now strive to do the same. I want students, staff and parents to know I care, that I am invested in them as people. I am focusing on being present with each person I come in contact with. I extend this to my personal relationships outside of work as well. I even extend this to myself. I need to also be with myself.

I saw a quote on a church sign the other day while driving home. It said, “We are our best when we serve others.” I want to serve others. I want to serve them meaningfully. I want to also serve myself. I can do this by being with.

Living an Illusion

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Illusion – a false idea or belief

Have you ever wondered if your life is an illusion?

Just over two years ago my life took a very, very unexpected turn.  Since then, I have been doing the work to navigate all that comes with sudden and unexpected change.  A friend gave me the book, Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson.  The book is an original short story about dealing with change.  I wish I had read it a year ago.  Then again, perhaps I wouldn’t have learned then what I have come to know now.

It was after reading the book that the idea of my life being an illusion surfaced.  I see now that I have, for a very long time, lived a false life.It’s only when your world comes crashing down that reality emerges.

Johnson suggests in his book that people are afraid of change because they are holding on to an illusion that is no longer there, or in my case perhaps never was there. Johnson believes people do this because it is comforting and familiar.  It is also easy, easier than dealing with the change. 

Johnson also suggests in his book that when change happens, some people fight the change and stay stuck. Such inaction is based on fear. Others, change with the change and move forward.  Johnson describes in this story how we can “learn to deal with change.”  In order to do so, it is important to, “keep life simple and not over analyze or over-complicate things with fearful beliefs.”

Since that day just over two years ago, I have faced an array of changes. They just seemed to compound and multiply.  A physician friend of mine pointed out that the number of life changing events I faced in a year were what most people experienced in their whole life time. Basically, what she was saying was, I had been through a lot in a very short period of time! This gave me perspective and a sense of relief that no, I was not going crazy, that what I was physically and emotionally experiencing was normal but was magnified due to the concurring life-changing events.I have been working hard to move forward, and it hasn’t been easy. 

Thankfully, reading Johnson’s book was a major “ah ha” in my journey.  I realized that my life before the unexpected was not what I believed it to be, and some of the people in it, not the people I believed them to be. I am realizing now that I had purposely created an illusion of a life that was untrue.  I did this yearly through Christmas letters, by what I was not talking about with friends and family, what I let people see from the outside looking in, what I let myself see.  I convinced myself that life and some of the people in it were a certain way when that simply was not the case.  Presently, I am working on the why behind this.  (That will be learning for another blog post.)

In hindsight, I guess it was easier to live this way than face the truth.  The fear of facing reality and losing what I thought I had was strong, really strong.  Of course, I didn’t see this then, but I sure can see it now.  It’s sad what we normalize until we no longer can, until everything falls apart.  Ironically, I ended up losing the illusion anyway.

Change is hard. There is no doubt.  In the book, Switch, by Chip and Dan Heath, they talk about “bright spots”.  They talk about how often during tough times, we see problems everywhere and then “analysis paralysis” often kicks in.  The Heath brothers believe the way to progress with change and not be paralyzed by it or in it is to focus on the “bright spots” as they are our best hope to bring about change, and I would add, deal with change.

Every night when I journal, I write about the bright spots in my day, the bright spots ahead, the people bringing light to my life, and I end with what I am grateful for that day.  This is helping me heal and move forward.  I am learning to accept this unexpected detour in my life.  I am trying to see this more as an opportunity than not.  This, I will admit is easier said than done.

The reality though is that it’s up to me to determine who has the ultimate control moving forward, me or the change. Put your money on the former. I am determined to not let the change beat me.  As Brene Brown would say, I am “choosing courage over comfort.”

Connection, Culture, and Change

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January 25th, 2019

This past week I had the pleasure working with a former colleague.  She is an educator I have known and respected for many years.  We got to talking about the cultural changes we have noticed in schools in recent years compared to when we both first started in the profession.

When I first started my teaching career over 20 years ago, the technology was limited to an overhead projector, VCR and TV if you were lucky to have one in your room, a desk top computer, or maybe a lap top, again if you were lucky.  You had to walk to the photocopier to copy your stuff, and while you waited in line, you chatted with your colleagues. Teachers spent time before school and after connecting in the staff room or in their classes.  More often than not, many teachers went in on weekends to work which often provided more opportunities for relationship building.   People often did things outside of work together, their children played together, staff socials were frequent.  People were connected.  The culture was one of a family.

In his book, Playing With Fire, Theo Fleury talks about when he came out of retirement and returned to play professional hockey. He talked about the culture change. How different things were from when he first entered the NHL. The change wasn’t just in aesthetics: bigger dressing rooms, more amenities, waiters to serve the players, state of the art training equipment.  He talked about the social changes too, the “all business” mindset, how players today are easily offended and “too sensitive”.  He talks about the fact that players today “don’t have to think.”  He tells a story of sitting with Jerome Iginla in the dressing room talking about the old days and how much fun it was then , how they “would enjoy each other’s company, discuss more interesting topics”, they (players) would socialize outside of hockey and build  lasting relationships built on friendship and trust.

This reminded me of how it was when I first started teaching.

In his book, Rethink Work: Finding and Keeping the Right Talent, Eric Termuende talks a lot about connectivity and culture.  In a recent talk he gave in our District, he discussed how we are more connected than ever (referring to our digital connections), yet “we are connecting less and less.”  Eric firmly believes that despite having more friends online than ever before, “in many cases we are living in a time that is also more lonely.” He believes we need to “rethink” work.  He believes “if we could connect in a meaningful way and interact with people without any distractions, significant progress and benefit could occur on various fronts within an organization, and morale and inclusion would increase dramatically.”

This got me thinking about the cultural change I am noticing in schools.

In his post retirement return to hockey, it would appear Theo Fleury felt disconnected from the game he knew and those who were now playing it.  Eric Termuende is noticing the disconnection happening in today’s working world.  What is interesting here is that he is only 28, part of the first generation to only know a digitally connected world, yet he is questioning its effects rather critically. 

As an educational leader, I worry that we are becoming disconnected from each other in our schools and within the profession. I worry what effect this will have on our learners.

Schools have the powerful ability to create a sense of family for everyone in them.  Educational leaders have the responsibility to create a culture of connection.  I have the ability to make a difference, to keep the sense of family within the schools I lead from being dismantled.  It is not only a privilege of the job but also a responsibility of my role as leader.  I need to continue to make this the focus of my work.  It can’t afford not to be.

The Journey Begins

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It has been said that learning is a choice. I understand this thinking but challenge the black and white nature of it.  Yes, in many instances, learning can be and is a conscience choice.  The learning behind creating this Blog site and this corresponding first post, for example, was clearly a choice, a conscious choice to learn, and my oh my was it big learning for me!

We are surrounded daily by unintended learning or unexpected experiences that provide personal and professional growth opportunities.  Often these are not sought after conscience choices, yet we are able learn from them.

I invite you, if you are not already, to be open to learning, truly open, to explore and embrace both the intended and unintended opportunities that are available to us each and every day.  Some bring excitement and joy, others challenges and hardship, but all are opportunities to move us forward and strengthen us physically, emotionally, mentally, intellectually and spiritually.

The creation of this Blog site is the result of a cornucopia of learning along with a deep desire to express ideas using the power of words. It’s content will reflect some new and perhaps not so new revelations.  It will showcase queries, wondering, “ah ha” moments, reflections, and observations.  It will reflect a journey of learning as life is navigated with honest and respectful intent.  I am grateful for the opportunity to share my journey with you.