Illusion – a false idea or belief

Have you ever wondered if your life is an illusion?

Just over two years ago my life took a very, very unexpected turn.  Since then, I have been doing the work to navigate all that comes with sudden and unexpected change.  A friend gave me the book, Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson.  The book is an original short story about dealing with change.  I wish I had read it a year ago.  Then again, perhaps I wouldn’t have learned then what I have come to know now.

It was after reading the book that the idea of my life being an illusion surfaced.  I see now that I have, for a very long time, lived a false life.It’s only when your world comes crashing down that reality emerges.

Johnson suggests in his book that people are afraid of change because they are holding on to an illusion that is no longer there, or in my case perhaps never was there. Johnson believes people do this because it is comforting and familiar.  It is also easy, easier than dealing with the change. 

Johnson also suggests in his book that when change happens, some people fight the change and stay stuck. Such inaction is based on fear. Others, change with the change and move forward.  Johnson describes in this story how we can “learn to deal with change.”  In order to do so, it is important to, “keep life simple and not over analyze or over-complicate things with fearful beliefs.”

Since that day just over two years ago, I have faced an array of changes. They just seemed to compound and multiply.  A physician friend of mine pointed out that the number of life changing events I faced in a year were what most people experienced in their whole life time. Basically, what she was saying was, I had been through a lot in a very short period of time! This gave me perspective and a sense of relief that no, I was not going crazy, that what I was physically and emotionally experiencing was normal but was magnified due to the concurring life-changing events.I have been working hard to move forward, and it hasn’t been easy. 

Thankfully, reading Johnson’s book was a major “ah ha” in my journey.  I realized that my life before the unexpected was not what I believed it to be, and some of the people in it, not the people I believed them to be. I am realizing now that I had purposely created an illusion of a life that was untrue.  I did this yearly through Christmas letters, by what I was not talking about with friends and family, what I let people see from the outside looking in, what I let myself see.  I convinced myself that life and some of the people in it were a certain way when that simply was not the case.  Presently, I am working on the why behind this.  (That will be learning for another blog post.)

In hindsight, I guess it was easier to live this way than face the truth.  The fear of facing reality and losing what I thought I had was strong, really strong.  Of course, I didn’t see this then, but I sure can see it now.  It’s sad what we normalize until we no longer can, until everything falls apart.  Ironically, I ended up losing the illusion anyway.

Change is hard. There is no doubt.  In the book, Switch, by Chip and Dan Heath, they talk about “bright spots”.  They talk about how often during tough times, we see problems everywhere and then “analysis paralysis” often kicks in.  The Heath brothers believe the way to progress with change and not be paralyzed by it or in it is to focus on the “bright spots” as they are our best hope to bring about change, and I would add, deal with change.

Every night when I journal, I write about the bright spots in my day, the bright spots ahead, the people bringing light to my life, and I end with what I am grateful for that day.  This is helping me heal and move forward.  I am learning to accept this unexpected detour in my life.  I am trying to see this more as an opportunity than not.  This, I will admit is easier said than done.

The reality though is that it’s up to me to determine who has the ultimate control moving forward, me or the change. Put your money on the former. I am determined to not let the change beat me.  As Brene Brown would say, I am “choosing courage over comfort.”