It is almost 3 years to the hour that my life took a unexpected turn, very unexpected. I was hit so hard with hurt that I honestly did not think I would survive it. The emotional and physiological tolls were at times unbearable.
This journey has and continues to teach me a lot. I have learned the importance of surrendering to the feelings, allowing myself to feel, to grieve and not suppress what I am feeling. The suppressing just results in other set backs. I have learned that it’s better to cry than not. It’s okay to be angry, to be hurt, to be sad. It’s okay. I have learned to give myself permission to feel the feelings knowing that there is an obligation to then keep moving forward.
I have learned that I can’t do this alone. Friends, family, a really good counselor are very important and necessary factors to healing from personal trauma. I am very fortunate to have all three in my life.
Self-care is not selfish. This has taken awhile to really sink in. I have learned that in order to really have true empathy and compassion for others, I need to be more empathetic and compassionate toward myself. I can see now not doing so contributed to the situation I ended up in. Something I heard at a professional learning session last year has stuck with me. I can’t remember who said it, but they were emphatic that we have a moral obligation to take care of ourselves in order to be any good to anyone else. A big lesson I have learned is that I have spent years doing the opposite. It’s hard not to as an educator, educational leader and as someone who was reared to be caring and compassionate toward others. I am now giving myself permission for as much self-care as I need.
One of the biggest lessons learned has been recent. I have spent the last three years determined to get through my trauma while still facing everyday life and its challenges. Being strong really is exhausting.
As I move into a new year, I will be mindful of the fatigue, perhaps adjust the self-care plan to find more balance. Maybe I don’t have to work so hard at being strong anymore. Maybe I am healing after all. That would be awesome.